I Cried in the Pet Store Car Park (And It Wasn't About the Dog)

Earlier today I found myself crying in my car outside the pet store.

Theo (my georgeous six-month-old, 34kg Irish Wolfhound cross) needed a new harness. One slightly chaotic pet store visit later, I was back in the car and the tears just came.

It wasn't about the harness. It was never about the harness.

Why It's Almost Never About the Thing That Triggers It

When we're already carrying a lot; work, kids, mental load, life admin, and in my case a rapidly growing puppy whose size is outpacing his training, our cup fills up slowly and quietly. We don't notice it happening because we're busy doing all the things and managing everything.

And then one small thing tips it over.

The pet store wasn't a crisis. It was stimulating; new smells, Theo pulling and sniffing, asking for help with the harness, a few tries to get it right. Not a flood. Just one more drop into a cup that was already full.

And that was it. One more drop and it all spilled out.

So if you've ever found yourself crying about something that wasn't really the thing - the traffic, the lunchbox, the harness - you're not overreacting. You were already full. That moment was just the final drop.

Why Anxious and ADHD Brains Are Particularly Vulnerable to This

For those of us with anxiety and/or ADHD, a couple of things make this pattern more likely.

If you're anxious, you're already running at a higher baseline. Your nervous system is working harder just to get through a normal day, which means your cup fills faster and there's less buffer before it tips.

For ADHDers, emotional dysregulation means feelings can arrive faster and hit harder; sometimes feeling like a sudden tipping over rather than a gradual fill. We can be really good at holding it all together … right until we can't. And then we're genuinely surprised, because five minutes ago we were fine; having great chats with everyone in the pet store.

The other thing worth naming: we can't regulate others from our own dysregulated nervous system. We all know that the calmer we are, the calmer the people (and the puppies) around us tend to be. When our own cup is too full, that capacity goes.

What I Actually Did in the Car Park

First: I let it happen. A car park cry, it turns out, can be exactly what's needed. Not the full sobbing cry; the leaky, this is too much cry. The release.

Then, once it had passed a little:

• A few rounds of deep breathing to start to settle my nervous system

• Some grounding; paying attention to where I was, what was around me, what the sky was doing, where my feet were

• A bit later, when I was home: okay, where did that come from? Having a look at what was actually in the cup

Not to fix everything. Just to see the picture more clearly - and ask what I could set down, even temporarily.

The Cup Metaphor - and What to Do With It

Think of your capacity as a cup. Through the day, through the week, small things go in, drip by drip. Most of the time we don't notice because we're busy. But the cup keeps filling.

The goal isn't to have an empty cup; life doesn't work that way. The goal is to notice when it's getting full before it tips over.

What fills your cup specifically? For everyone it's a little different. And what helps you tip some of it out - what genuinely reduces the load for you?

It's worth knowing both answers, because when you do, you can start to catch it earlier. To notice oh, I'm getting full before you're crying in a car park.

A Note on Being the Person Who Teaches This Stuff

I'm a counsellor. I teach this. I support clients with this every day.

And I still ended up crying in the pet store car park.

Not because the tools don't work - I used them, and they helped. But because no amount of knowledge makes you immune to hard moments. Nobody is. The difference is noticing, and knowing what to do when it happens.

If anything, it's a useful reminder that this isn't about being perfect or always calm. It's about paying attention (with curiosity, not judgment) to what's building up, and what you can do about it.

FAQ

Is it normal to cry about something small when you're stressed?
Very normal - and really common. When we're already carrying a lot, small things can tip us over not because they're actually serious, but because there was no room left in the cup. The trigger is rarely the real issue.

Why do I hold it together and then suddenly fall apart?
This is particularly common for anxious and ADHD brains; we can be very good at managing and suppressing until we hit a threshold. The sudden nature of it can feel alarming, but it's just the cup finally overflowing after filling gradually.

What should I do when I feel like I'm about to tip over?
If you can, pause before it tips - take a breath, do a quick grounding check-in, step away from the stimulation for a moment. If you've already tipped, let the release happen, then use your tools to come back to baseline. Crying in a car park is a perfectly valid option.

How do I notice my cup filling up earlier?
Start paying attention to your early warning signs; irritability, difficulty concentrating, feeling more reactive than usual, sleep disruption, that sense of low-level dread. These often show up before the obvious overwhelm does.

If your cup has been feeling pretty full lately and you'd like some support working out what's in there and what to do about it, this is exactly what I work on with clients. I'm a registered counsellor based in Brisbane and also work online as The Anxious ADHDer. Feel free to reach out at anxiousadhder.com.au